Courage

I am doing research on a character for a new novel I'm working on and stumbled on a blog that got me thinking. My character is a paranoid schizophrenic so I went looking for symptoms and treatments in order to make him believable. What I found were tortured and incredibly courageous people sharing their thoughts. After reading a dozen or so blogs, a pattern emerged. People were either having a good day or a bad one. Unfortunately, mental illness works this way. Having been through a few deep depressions in my day, I can attest to the validity of this statement. On a good day, you hope it doesn't end and on a bad day you can't wait until it does. Why is that? Why is life reduced to good days and bad? Cancer patients also describe their lives this way. Why is it that we don't afford the people with mental illness the same respect? It is still something to hide in our society. Just mention a family member with schizophrenia and everyone present gets squeemish. No one says any words of kindness, no one shares stories of friends and family going through the same struggle. I'm guilty of sitting silently, my discomfort visible. Why is this? I think the explanation lies in the fact that we don't know what causes mental illness so there is an unreasonable fear that we could get it. We know more about certain cancers (not necessarily what causes them but what to do to maybe avoid getting it - no guarantees, of course) than we do about the etiology of schizophrenia. If we don't smoke we can reduce our chances of getting lung cancer. What can we do to reduce our chances of being locked up inside our minds? It's a control thing. There is an illusion of control when it comes to cancer, whereas, we have none when it comes to our minds taking an involuntary vacation. I know that stress played a role in my side canyon trek into depression but still occasionally venture close to the abyss due to inability to see the signs. We have all been there, life is that way.

Writing is often said to be therapeutic but as I read those blogs I realized it is not a path out. In fact, it seemed to be a circular event. Like the dog chasing its tail. For some people there is no path out. Their brain chemistry cannot be changed but for others the cycle needs to be broken. Quit writing about good days and bad and get out and do something. Get out of your head and into your body. Take a walk, get a pet, engage in conversation even when you don't want to, take a class and surround yourself with people who are active and involved in life. I also encourage those with mental issues to seek help and enlist an advocate to help you assess options.

Back to respect, for those of you who have avoided the pitfalls of the mind, be compassionate for those less fortunate. I'm not sure how we change our societal views of mental illness. I do know that years ago when I went through it I learned quickly to not disclose it. I don't know how to get it out of the closet. Maybe we can learn from those brave enough to come out of the closet with regards to sexual orientation. Maybe we need a movement, an activist to champion the cause. I welcome suggestions and comments.

Book Clubs

It's always a bit intimidating to meet with a Book Club that has read your book. Last night I had just that experience. Upon arrival, I met with the woman who had invited me and she informed me that this was a church group. I immediately thought about my novel and whether or not I had painted church ladies in a positive light. I think I had been fair in my handling of religion. Although my main character, Maggie, was more Taoist, she did have an experience with a "higher power" that reflected positively on the christian view of God. After introductions, I talked about what it takes to get a novel written and published and how the cover design evolved. I told my Oprah story which involves a message from the beyond (I'll share this in another blog). The evening carried on with conversations running from marketing to what happened to the high school boyfriend - which of course could only be speculated on since he was a fictitious character. The lemon cake was divine (really) and the women kind. All-in-all an enjoyable evening. I will probably do this again in the future and I hope it will have a similar outcome. We writers are sensitive souls so please if you are asked to critique a book in the presence of the author, be kind. Remember, we are human and have risked a great deal to expose what we know of life through our characters. Even if the book is awful, find something kind to say - maybe you really liked the dedication or the author's bio in the back of the book. I'm guessing perfect strangers don't come to your office to critique your work - put yourself in their shoes and as my mother used to say (okay and probably someone famous) - 'if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all". Well, okay, I recommend you find something to say, even if it's about the weather. Book critics will make sure your author knows his or her place in the echelon of writers.

River Rafting and Gnats

So what the heck do river rafting and gnats have to do with writing? A lot. Words are like that, you know. Sometimes they flow at 13,000 cfs and sometimes they hover in the air and bite once in a while. I find each day is new when I pick up my pen. Somedays I get muscle cramps because the words come so quickly I can't hardly keep up and other days I am struggling to pick them out of the air and have them take up residence on the page. What is that all about? Is it hormones, biorhythms, lunar cycles, a bit of undigested beef???? Who knows. It is what it is, so go with the flow so to speak. On days that you are plucking them out of the air like an amateur guitarist, don't get frustrated, just let them come in fits and starts and when they are flowing, well happy days! I believe every book writes itself and so the its rhythm may not be your rhythm, relax and let it happen. Happy days!

Writing Backwards

It's weird to think about aging. Instead of a biological clock ticking it's our lifespan clock taking pieces of us and scattering them to the winds. In my case they are adding to the sandstone of the Colorado National Monument in my backyard. I've read about the insidious nature of time passing but the reality is so much more, well, real. My neck is crinkly, my eyes can barely been seen beneath the droop of the lid, I can't go 24/7 like I used to (this, I think, is a positive), and my feet are trashed. I was a runner, 5ks, 10ks and a couple of short court triathalons - now I'm happy to walk. So what's the point of all this whining, you ask? I can think of a million reasons - seeking wisdom, advising the young to appreciate youth, accepting my aging body, gaining a sense of humor, looking for grace, honoring all women of age but I think really it comes down to mortality. I am and you are - Finite! We, like a good story, have a beginning, a middle and an inevitable end. Stephen Covey said "write your epitaph" if you want to know how to live your life. Start with the end and work backwords. What do you want to be remembered for - this changed my life because I didn't want to be remembered for being a good project manager. So I quit and wrote a book and am working on two more. Think about it - it might just work for authors. Start with your last chapter and write in retrograde like running a movie in rewind.

Happy Writing!

Survival

I am a member of the Colorado Independent Publishers Association (CIPA) and Director of the Western Slope Chapter in western Colorado. Last Saturday we had a panel discussion with bookstore buyers and librarians. It focused on how small press/self-published books can get on the shelf. The panelists were great and had lots of good information for us but the thing that struck me the most was the difficulty independent bookstores have maintaining a stable financial picture. Every book counts and if they are not selling they can't keep them on the shelf - makes sense. Competing with the big box stores is a full time job for these shops. We lost our only independent bookstore in Grand Junction and it was a sad day.

What does the independent bookstore offer? For me they offer a chance to browse shelves in comfort, a friendly and familiar face, and conversation . There is just a different atmosphere. I am far more likely to engage another customer in a small bookstore as opposed to a big box customer - this may be idiosyncratic. I love the smell of books which is missing from corporate stores which have been sanitized. I like the feeling of community that permeates the air. I have also found that as a self-published author, these bookstores are far more welcoming. I had a book signing in Ridgway, Colorado at the Cimarron Bookstore and Coffee House and it was wonderful. Priscilla, the stores owner, is kind and encouraging, and her store is a delight.

I think there are a few things, we as writers, can do. First, don't shop the big boxes either in person or online. I learned that most independent stores now have an online presence and you can order through their website and support their independence. I had not thought of that and have decided that going forward, I will buy books only from independent stores. I encourage all in the book community to do the same. You can also "adopt" an independent store and refer all your book sales to them. One writer is doing this and is refering business to Off the Beaten Path in Steamboat Springs and it is working well. Leslie and Dick Ryan own and run this well-known independent store and were part of the panel previously mentioned. The Tattered Cover in Denver is also a good choice. Whatever store you choose, make it an independent one.

So, I would love to hear other ways in which we can support independent bookstores. Please send your ideas by commenting on this blog.

Hot Salt Sisters

Wow, what a weekend we had. I attended a women's wilderness weekend that included rafting, hiking, writing, painting and relating. The setting was incredible, nestled between Fishers Tower and the Priest and the Nuns formation in Utah. The blues in the sky blossumed above us while the red dust coated our feet and souls. A huge thank you goes out to Sandy Dorr and Martha McCoy - our guides to higher artist achievement. Kellie and Ashley were great boatswomen and cooks - thanks for keeping us on schedule.

An amazing thing happens when women gather, the core of the earth splits open and the truth pours forth, gently, compassionately, humorously, and a plume of hope rises to the wisps of clouds floating over the desert. I want to pay homage to the raw courage of the twenty-two who attended. You are amazing. I carry within me images of woman as survivor, creator, reviver, embracer, jester, singer, wordsmith... Because of you, I find myself rejuvenated. My energy soars in the hot salt sand and searches the horizon for another refueling station. May we meet again to share, sing, laugh, live.

As a writer, we need to refuel often. The bills, children, spouses, health issues, finances, agents, publishers, and our own inner critic all deplete us. It's important to find those opportunities to fill our cups and drink deeply. I recommend any writers workshop conducted by Sandy Dorr. Go online to www.womenswildernesswriting.com. I will also be conducting a writer's workshop in Ridgway, Colorado on June 2, 2007. For more information go to www.redcanyonink.com.

Writing for your Soul

The crud has still got me so I apologize for the gaps in blogs. I heard Russel Simmons on Oprah yesterday (yep, on the couch with the cold watching tv). He has a book out called Do You. The point of it as it was discussed is to find yourself and connect with that universal thread that runs through all of us. This is something I lose site of daily, weeklyl, monthly, yearly, etc. In learning to market my first novel I have become very frustrated because I get caught up in the marketing mind (what a tangled web of stuff). I forget to step back and inhale, look around, tap into that place in me where the truth lies and then act. I keep frantically implementing new "marketing ideas" and getting nowhere. I lose my passion for writing. I need to get back to the source. To that well inside me where wonder happens, where I sense the connectiveness to all things. Most importantly though, I need to give to the world and stop thinking about some marketing goal. I have used this positive approach previously in my life and it is so life-affirming. So today find yourself by giving to others and let the Tao loose in your life.